Owning who I am, the beautiful mess that I am, has been a HUGE lesson for me lately. This is the story of how I freed myself by allowing space for the vision I have for my future and my very real present with all its faults. Let me tell you, being ok with who I am right now, feels like an awakening. Here’s my little story and some specific pointers.

Don’t let your vision limit you

I’ve been doing a lot of self analysis lately. I asked myself why it’s been over 9 months since I published a blog here. I mean seriously, that’s long enough to cook a tiny human! The answer came surprisingly easily.

I have a clear vision of what I want this space to be and I haven’t had the time to make it into that space. I busied myself with all the other important things. I told myself I was an idiot for boldly putting myself out there, making claims and then doing nothing about it. So I ran. I hid. I justified staying away.

So this is where things can get messy. Don’t let your vision get in the way of your present and stop the journey from even starting.

In my zest for speaking what I want into existence I published my ‘blog overview’ then felt fearful and stifled by it. In my eagerness to follow blogging protocol — you know, find and stick to a niche, plan and stick to a content calendar, write often and consistently — I allowed so much pressure, guilt and self reproach to mount that I froze.

Find freedom in your flaws

So how did I unfreeze? Well, I was talking to hubby and he planted some powerful seeds in my mind.

He said, ‘Just be who you are right now’. What? Could years of postponing my writing be solved with seven words? Well… Maybe!

After deep thought (which in my world is a series of interrupted thoughts because I don’t have the luxury of long spells to think), my writers block has gone and the ideas are flowing again. My desire for a set menu of content written in a certain way has vanished. My suffocating fears have turned into a freedom to experiment. Let me explain.

Just be who you are right now, he said. So… Who am I? I asked myself. The internal war between the self aware Sara and the self critical Sara shed some light.

I’m just a regular Mama with BIG dreams that have faded but refuse to let me go.

My life may not look it, but I feel distinctly average. Below par. I want more so I keep going for ‘it’, in all ‘its’ specific and elusive glory.

I face a constant barrage of peaks and troughs in my emotions, self belief and ‘togetherness’.

I juggle so, so parenting, so, so home life, so, so health, so, so relationships, a so, so growing business and so, so side hustles... The emphasis on, ‘so, so’ is because all aspects of my life are good, but could be better. This is not down to effort, but down to lack of two highly important but often hard to come by resources - time and money.

Everything could do with more time, more effort, more money — all resources I do not have enough of.

I constantly feel like I am spread too thin. But then, who doesn’t?

I am also full of hope, positivity, kindness, vision and gumption. I have lots to celebrate, more to give and goals galore.

Does this sound like you? Does this sound like parts of you? Do you recognise the roller coaster? The self oppression? The persistent whisper that guides you towards your path? The specifics might be different from person to person but many will find this familiar.

Everyday we are all varying degrees of broken and varying degrees of together — no one is perfect and you don’t have to be.

5 steps to owning who you are right now

So, after listening to my inner self critic and my inner life coach, I’ve been able to drill down to some specific pointers from the stuff bubbling around my head.

Don’t let the person you want to become make you feel like your current self is worthless. All your existing wonders and flaws are your essential raw ingredients.
Don’t let the awe of the vision for yourself stop you from taking the imperfect journey towards that person. You have to take the first step and keep walking. You’ll fall. Get up. You’ll get lost. Find your way. This is your right of passage.
Accept that the journey will not go to plan. It will be very ugly and embarrassing in places, just as much as it will be freeing, exhilarating and satisfying.
Expect failure. I don’t mean accept defeat. I mean free yourself from the pressure of perfectionism which stops us from taking action. There is no perfect time or perfect method. There are never enough resources. The stars are not going to align for you. Therefore, things are not going to go smoothly. But that is ok and these mistakes, trip ups and failures are part of the journey.
Speak your vision and your journey because although achieving your vision is your elixir, it is your journey that will give hope, inspiration and belief to others.

Let your dreams set sail

Girl, you can be proud of where you are right now. Assure yourself you are where you need to be. This isn’t settling for less than your vision. This is taking the action you need to take to claim your vision. Knowing this, we can feel like we have let our dreams set sail. We can be free to be who we are right now, knowing that this acceptance is part of becoming who we want to be.

For me, these concepts free me up to blog about my current state, current lessons, current fails and current wins, because they are all part of me and where I am going. It shouldn’t be about perfect theory. You don’t have to wait for when you have more time, more money, more ability. Going forward I’m allowing a kinder more fluid and evolutionary approach to my parenting, home life, health, relationships, growing a business and side hustles. This allows for growth, change and space to stop to rest, catch my breath and adapt.

Here’s to navigating your journey successfully…